DIARRHEA OF THE MIND

BIO

My story begins with my mom and dad. I was conceived at a party to the Meatloaf song "paradise by the dashboard lighs". I fucking hate that song. My school life reminds me of the pain you would get if your testicles were to be super glued to a wagon that was set on fire and flying down a steep hill at high speeds. My relationships with girls was pretty much the same. But now I'm all grown up, a man of twenty with fresh ideas, motivation, deodarent that reminds girls of that new car smell along with some vaseline and a subscription to PEOPLE MAGAZINE. Through all of the shit (and trust me there was loads of shit) that I went through during my adolecents I think I turned out ok. I'm now in college, I have a clean criminal record and I don't do needle drugs (much), but I never forget the words of advice passed down from my Grandfather to me.

It was the day of graduation and I was nervous. All I wanted to do was get my stupid pape and go back to playing playstation in my underwear. Now, the day was like hell. I was raining I had to wear a stupid pink gown (yea I know pink, they were supposed to be maroon, which isnt much better) and all of Auburn Ny is stuffed into a gym. Everyone was excited but I was spacing out due to the amount of pot I had smoked. While examinging my shoes I looked forward only to see one of the ugliest site known to man. This girl (who will remain nameless) was not only missing teeth but was omitting a body odore that could make Anna Nicole Smith up-chuck the small children she feasted on for breakfast. As she walked away my Grandfather came up behind me and said "Remeber Dave ugly girls need love too".